The Chronicles of Melinda

Now that I have your attention - this isn’t a blog about a new man in my life.  Still working on getting the OLD man out of the picture completely enough to shut and lock that door so I can open a new one when the right person comes knocking - they may be waiting to knock as I type!

But I was having a conversation with a friend about what kind of man will be able to knock, have me open the door and be able to come in and stay in next time around.  It poses a very good question.

Here’s the deal!  We know that I’m pretty set on what I need out of my next relationship.  I need someone who is affectionate - because I’m a very affectionate person and I haven’t had that in quite awhile.    Kiss me goodbye - kiss me hello….you get the idea…don’t act like you can’t touch me.  I won’t break!  We all know I am a very huggy person - and I don’t like to be pushed away.  I don’t handle rejection of affection very well.  I’m an emotional person - and I need someone who can cater to that and WANT to cater to that.

I need those deep, long looks into my eyes with some feeling - out of the blue.  Just stops and looks at me and when he does I KNOW he’s telling me he wants/loves/needs me with his eyes.  Must be a good, sensual, slow-kisser cuz that really gets my juices flowing.  I like Soap Opera kisses!  And sex - well ….  total satisfaction with lots of emotion.  I’ve decided that the non-emotional (but physically satisfying) sex is not for me.  I’m too emotional and have to have emotional connections to feel complete.

It goes without mentioning that I need a man who recognizes that if we’re shacking up - we should be SHARING the financial responsibility.  I have NO problem taking care of my part - but dern it meet me halfway and we are less likely to fight about money.  We all know that the money issue is the downfall of many relationships. But since I’m not high maintenance - all I care about is that we have a roof over our head, food for the family, food for the animals, vehicles to drive and each other. 

And then - a man who accepts and loves Taira…as if I have to go there.

We all know that I promise devotion, affection, faithfulness, financial independence and I’m a good woman. The end.

BUT back to the question at hand.  Sure there’s a man out there who can give me all of that above!  I may already even know him!  BUT is there a man out there who can tolerate and keep up with my busy lifestyle?  I mean - I’m out the door at 8:00AM- back in it by 6:00PM most weekdays.  Then it’s  ride the horses, give lessons,  feed the animals and whatever else.  Hardly in the house before 9:00PM!  And the weekends - well there’s that time of the year (March - October) that riding is every weekend - be it shows or trail rides.  And then - will they tolerate that I am a social butterfly and it might not always involve them since us girls got to get together now and again when our lives allow.

A few friends say a non-horsey man will be a set up for failure.   But heck - I had a horsey man with nothing else in common other than that and eventually that proved to be a failure.  So do I have to have a man who is involved in horses to curtail jealousy of the time I spend with the horses?  When I got my first horse - my boyfriend at the time let it be evident that he didn’t appreciate the time I spent with my horses.  (Though I didn’t complain about his car and motorcycle time) 

We all know horses are a permanent fixture in my life.  But I tend to think that as long as he has a way to occupy himself (without that involving spending time with another woman) while I’m doing my thing…that I don’t have to have a man into the horses.  Maybe he rides motorcycles?  Races cars? Plays golf?  Something that occupies him and keeps him happy while I’m doing what keeps me happy.  Hey - if he’ll jump on a horse now and then and ride with me then well we all know that would make me happy.  In the end we come home to each other and that’s what counts, right?  But I sure don’t want anyone who feels like they have to make an effort and try to MAKE themselves get involved with the horses to keep up with me.

So - my friends who know me best…what do you think?  I know you will all say “I just want YOU to be happy” - but I want your honest opinions on this.  Some of you know what’s been going on in my life.  Sure I’m planning for the future since I truly can’t delve into anything until Q packs it up (well not that I can’t - just not where I can feel free about it).  And at the same time …maybe I shouldn’t even be thinking about another man right now.  But …truth is maybe I don’t want to be alone for too long because I long for tha companionship! 

I just needed a place to put this while it’s on my mind.
Now we all know I’ve recently undergone some changes with going to church, renewing my Faith, getting Saved and heading towards taking the “plunge” by getting Baptized.  (Well maybe you didn’t know - but now you do!)

Well some things have been happening…and I just wanted to share.  Now I’ve always said “everything happens for a reason”.  Wether it be good or bad…one event in our lives may lead to another or another or maybe just a reality check and a wake - up call.  But every cloud has a silver lining, right?  Thought I’d share a few with you that have occurred since I’ve renewed my Faith because…I truly believe things are happening the way they are for that very reason!

No particular order of events here.

Someone has come back into my life that I had lost track of, but often thought of, wonderred about and searched the internet in search of.  On THE VERY DAY of a name search on MySpace..I got a message from that person right here on MySpace probably 20 minutes after I looked.  We are reconnecting…and I truly believe that is the way it is supposed to be for whatever reason… be it closure or a new beginning.  I’m moving towards that latter!

Ransom got some new spots, as he does every Spring.  But these spots are shaped like a Cross and a Heart and they are very close to each other.  The Cross is above the Heart and to the left of it. 

We all know - Jesus died on the cross…because he loves us.  And since I’ve recently gone deeper into that faith…what better symbol to show me that he acknowledges me than stamping it right on my horse?  I’m going to upload it into my pics so go take a look a few minutes after reading this and tell me what you think.

I got a phone call today about a nice little farm coming up for rent that is not inconvenient in location (maybe more convenient to some things) that is going to be very affordable for me not being much more than what I am paying now, but nicer.  I wasn’t actively looking - - - but if something comes of it there is definitely NOT a reason to turn down this opportunity.  It will open a few doors if it pans out.

I’m feeling a little less worried about a lot of things that have been bothering me.  Things like money, work and such just all seem so trivial right now.  I’m feeling a little refreshed if that makes sense.  Like a burden is lifted. 

And I’m feeling a little emotional - more in a happy sense than a sad sense (if that MAKES sense!)  Words of uplifting songs have taken a deeper meaning.

But don’t worry - I am still the same fun-loving me!  I’m not about to become a hermit to all things not Godly.  I’m not going to disown non-God loving friends or stop hanging out with folks.  Just redefining myself. I am just in recognition that there’s a greater purpose for me out there and someone may be slowly leading me to it so that I can feel whole again!  I’m being deliverred into a new me.  A better me!  And I hope you’ll still love me when it’s all said and done…and if you don’t I know someone who does!

Been to the dentist at the butt-crack of dawn this morning for a filling.  Okay now is as good a time as any to get a smack in if you’ve been wanting to and you could get away with it!  LOL!  Hopefully I’ll be un-numb by lunch so I can grab some grub.

Well this past weekend Taira came home from grandma’s for her annual birthday cook-out.  Food, friends, horses - life was good.  But dang was I BEAT by the time the last car rolled out the driveway.  The kids rode the horses - I think I picked up a new student.  Taira made out like a fat cat with gift cards, cash, clothes and toys.  I got her that Fur-Real Cuddle Chimp - that thing is CUTE.  Much cuter than I thought it would be.  She took it back with her to grandma’s.  HA HA HA! 

Sunday when I took her back to grandma’s (y’know -it’s summer and I gotta work!!!!) Belinda came in her new ride.  Okay she got a 2003 bangin’ STANG.  Silver.  Now even if I was rich - I’d probably never own any kind of sports car -(country girl that I am I’d probably have a tricked out little 4X4 truck or something), but this Stang is definitely her.  She let me drive - and we must be getting old cuz even though we openned her up a little just to feel it - we really were content just cruising.  Hit Applebees for an appetizer, a few drinks and some girl talk.  What happens/is talked about between girlz - stays between girlz!  Then had to head home to get ready for Monday.  Woo hoo - work.

This weekend is the Benefit Bandana Bash for our friend Tara who is battling cancer.  Food, fun, entertainment, fundraising (raffles for concert tickeets, a saddle, gift certificates and more).All the money made goes to Tara to help her out with her financial burdens associated with all this mess.  So it’s a big ol’ party for a good cause.  Hopefully it will brighten her spirits because her cancer has not been responding to chemo - so please say some prayers if you get a minute to talk to the big man. 

I’ll check back in and let you know how it goes. 

Well - if something really moving happens in Church - I figure I ought to tell ya’ll about it.  So….

Last Sunday’s message was about Forgiveness.  Moving to forgive someone who has hurt or wronged you or asking to be forgiven by someone you may have hurt or wronged.

Service included writing the name of someone who you were ready to forgive on a popsicle stick and then coming forward and breaking the stick and throwing it away to symbolize that you are letting go of the part of you that just couldn’t forgive them.  I did so through a blur of tears and that heated rush you feel when the tears come and you can’t control them.

You know - there’s probably a list of people I should have written on that popsicle stick….but I picked one person who wronged me.  She put a knife in my heart and twisted it a little.  That someone would betray and hurt me out of the blue, without warning or remorse and completely blindsided me into a sea of emotional turmoil…you know you just don’t get past that very easily.  Yes I came  through it…and I remember praying to God about it every night I couldn’t sleep through the tears and the headaches.   (Anyone who’s heard me tell the story about how Ransom got his name….knows the details and anytime I tell it - I can feel it well up!)

But the whole idea of this Forgiveness Message was (and I understand)….that sometimes God puts people in our lives to do these things or put us through things for a greater purpose…perhaps to lead you back to him.  So when we suddenly pray to God about these things or say “Dear God help me!” are we not turning to him???  So perhaps the purpose is to renew your faith in him by bringing you through it.

So I was ready to Forgive.  I’ve come to terms that what that someone I called a friend a(nd defended when someone told me “no one ever does anything without expecting anything in return”) ….did to me I really don’t think THEY wanted to do.  But in being loyal to her husband she was following his command…and well I guess we know where he was getting HIS commands and that certainly wasn’t from GOD.   I remember that in a heated conversation throughout the whole ordeal my friend even said “I’m tired of fighting with XXX about this…” which leads me to consider…she didn’t agree with it and she knew it was wrong…but she had a loyalty to her husband over me.  He was the true wrong-doer in the situation…and I later learned that I was only one of many that was victimized by him.   Though it cost her a friendship…she was willing to sacrifice a friendship built on trust, helping and understanding in order to please her husband who she took vows to “love, honor and obey.”  And so…I forgive her for that.  She might care less if I were to locate her and send her a letter saying I forgive her…but I often wonder if she thinks about how good our friendship was and misses it and regrets all that happened when she lays beside her husband at night and drifts off to sleep. And maybe in that sense I should hope she forgives me in that sense that I expected her to tell her husband what he was doing was wrong and not support him in his evil escapade.  I really should never have expected her to put our friendship before her marriage- regardless of the whole fact that who he was hurting as an innocent bystander. 

And that leads  to the next part of that message from service.  If there was someone you KNEW you had wronged or hurt that hadn’t forgiven you…go to them and make amends with that person. That leads you to wonder if there’s someone out there you should be asking for forgiveness from.   Some people KNOW they have hurt people because they MEANT to and they did it without a second thought.   But you know…some of us may have hurt someone and don’t even know it. Truth is I honestly don’t know if there is someone out there I should hope forgives me.  I mean….have I intentionally wronged or hurt someone?  Have I put a rift between myself and someone?  I like to think that I haven’t…but sometimes you just don’t know that you did.  I’m not a spiteful or vindictive person by nature. I can’t say I haven’t thought of 101 things I’d like to do or see done to someone who has wronged me….but I’ve learned (and the Bible says) that there’s no benefit to seeking revenge.  In the long run…it doesn’t make anything better.   

So - think about it.  Think of something that happened to you…someone who wronged you…the circumstances of all that unfolded.  Did they make you a better person?  A STRONGER person?  Did you LEARN anything from what happened?  Did it change your life in some way?  Well whatever came of it…think of it this way.  GOD brought you through it and here you are today.  So forgive that person for any wrongdoing…and consider that maybe you need to THANK them for where you are today!

And if you think you may have hurt me or wronged me in some way …don’t worry.  I FORGIVE YOU!

Happy Monday!  Woo hoo!
I had a great weekend - and as usual it came and went all too quickly.
Friday I got home and put Q on the mission of putting together Taira’s birthday trampoline (which I picked up Friday at lunch). 

Then I saddled up Clue and hit the trail through the woods.  Just me and my man!  He really is a good man.  When he doesn’t get a lot of attention - he’s okay as long as he gets fed and stroked every once in awhile!  He gave me a good ride (2nd one of the week) and it shows how great he really is because he hasn’t been ridden in weeks prior to this week. 

Anyway we stopped at Ramsays where they were camping out with the horses and cooking out.  Hung out there for a bit and then headed back through the woods to get  home before dark.  I was supposed to head back on the four wheeler - but ended up over at Lanie’s for a drink and a burger instead.  Oh well.

Saturday morning I got up around 8:00AM.  Q had everything but the safety net (cuz we can’t have our little Precious bouncing off the think landing on the yard or something terrible like that) around the trampoline - so I went ahead and did that.  Tedius work - but not too bad.  No sooner than I was just about done, but here comes mom and Pop-Pop up the driveway (Taira stayed with them the rest of the week from the 4th).  Taira gets out of the car and gives me the squeeziest hug - she was so happy about the trampoline.  She said “I never thought I would get a trampoline!”  LOL!  Hugs and thank-you’s and she was off to jump!  LOL!

Pop-Pop mowed the lawn, me and mom went to get hay and Adam (mom’s friend’s son) - dragged the arena on the four wheeler.  So much was accomplished.  Adam ran almost all the gas out of the four wheeler after dragging the arena and then hitting the trail.   I didn’t tell him I had another tank worth in the can.  Ssssshh! LOL!  I cooked on the grill and made baked beans and corn on the cob and then mom, Pop-Pop and Adam headed home later in the afternoon. 

The rest of the afternoon consisted of riding and hanging out over at Ramsay’s.  Not worth all the sordid details, but I rode Levi out on the trail and then he ended up being ridden by a complete beginner without incident.  He’s really going to be a great horse when he grows up!

Sunday morning I gave a lesson - it was already HOT HOT HOT by 9:00AM.  Poor Ransom was probably thinking  “WHY WHY WHY would someone want to ride me in this heat!”  But he was good!  Then it was off to church.  The message for today - Forgiveness.  Lord knows there are a few people in my life that I’m hard to forgive for some things.  But I took a step in forgiveness towards one that I didn’t realize (well I know it hurts when I talk about it….) weighed so heavy until the tears started pouring when it was time to write a name on a popsicle stick and then take it up front and break it to signify that we were truly ready to forgive the wrong done to us by the person on the stick. 

Now that I think about it - I wish they’d given us a few more popsicle sticks - because I probably need to go ahead and forgive a few more.  The message was that we need to forgive -no matter how deep the hurt someone has caused - because maybe we were meant to have that person bring that hurt into our lives to strengthen us.  That God put that person in the position to hurt us for a reason.  I can’t say that all the hurt I’ve ever had hasn’t yielded some great learning experience that has changed me in some way or the other.   And then on the flip-side of that - we were asked to seek out anyone we may have hurt and ask them to forgive us for whatever we have done.  And I had to start thinking - was there anyone in my life, past or present, that I needed to make amends with?  Now I know I am not perfect, but I would like to think that I have not truly hurt someone so deep that whenever someone were to mention my name they cringe with anger and emotion.  I try my best not to hurt anyone…but I’ve really got to soul search to figure out if I have.

Anyway- that was that.  Stayed for the New Attenders information luncheon at the church and then headed home.  Got home and prepped some grub for my friend Georgina and her family coming over later in the afternoon for some riding and cooking out.  Pulled poor Ransom up and got him ready and then my friend Chmekia calls and is in the neighborhood. 

In the meantime Chmekia stops by with a confession that she’s pregnant by the guy she’s been seeing who isn’t perfect.  But I’ll be happy for her since she’s having her third child and hope that this is the man who will straighten up and stay with her.   Sigh! 

J-bird arrives to try out a horse Quinard has that I told him about.  Here I am - despite all that’s going on - still helping Q out when it comes to things like referring him as a trainer or putting the word out about horses he has for sale.  Well this horse is out in the pasture - not really pushed for sale, but I knew he would sell her cheap and I actually got to kill two birds with one stone.  Help Q get a horse sold and help a friend with a limitted horsey budget find one!  But I think it shows how noble and civil I am that I’m not just “F%!& Q let him do his own business!”  Truth is - I am good for Q’s business - but perhaps we are meant to be more business associates with no other relationship in between.  I think that’s part of where that all went wrong.  And he did say we needed a business plan not long ago and a day later after laughing him off I finally decided to be civil (after thinking “how in the h-e- double hockey sticks does he think I’m going to be in business with him????” ) and asked what he meant.  In short he kind of wants me to stay in the business to some point with him with the horses.  I think he knows I’m good for the business since after all - I do have probably a bit more business and customer service sense than he does.
 

Anyway, looks like J-Bird is getting him a new horse!  Georgina and family arrive and we have a nice little cooking out, Georgina rides Six while her hubby gets a lesson on Ransom and the kids ride Dry Mountain.  Then Chmekia, J-Bird and Georginas family headed out and Taira and I went and met Laura, Lanie and Belinda (not Belinda Belinda - but another Belinda - LOL) riding.  Taira and I ended up riding home in the dark and it was quiet and nice actually.  We got home at 9:43PM!  And after getting the horses unsaddled, put up and everyone fed - I was B-E-A-T!  But over all I had a pretty good weekend!!!! 

And now here I am at work!  Blah on Mondays.

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Well - I got out and about this weekend.

Saturday we did the Bull City Kids day and that went really well.  Lots of little kids from the city got to enjoy free horse rides and food and fun.  It was exhausting, but that kind of stuff is rewarding.  Ransom, Levi and Dry Mountain of course were on their best behavior.  Makes you really love your horses!!!

Took Taira to Kathy’s on the way home so she could stay the night and I could go out and play.  Went home, unloaded the horses, turned everybody out and tended all the animals.  Then I took a shower and packed up and headed towards Lillington to hook up with Belinda and then heading off to Fayetville to hang out with Untold.

Well - the Honda decided to act up again just when I hit Sanford.  Overheating - crack in the radiator acting up.  At least it waited until AFTER the 10 mile stretch of nowhere to do it so I was able to get to a gas station. So I ended up babying it to Lillington, stopping and adding water at gas stations to cool it down and getting to Belinda’s a little later than planned. 

Parked the Honda to cool off and Belinda did ma herr (it was purdy, too!)  Then Belinda drove us to Fayetville in the Bangin’ Stang and I left the little crippled Honda in her driveway. 

She likes to drive it like she stole it - so I had to remind her that while I wanted to be there when she dies (should she go before me)…I don’t want to die WITH her!  (Not that I don’t love her - but the fiery car crash isn’t for me! LOL!)

After some wrong turns and disorientation, passing up the pub and having to do a turn-a-round - we managed to make it to the pub not too early before UNTOLD  hit the stage.  Got there right around 10 ish!

UNTOLD ROCKED the house.  In my opinion the best of all the bands to play.  I ain’t biased either - that’s just the truth.  But I think I saw Satan at the pub - cuz one of the guys in one of the other bands sure as hell sounded like him.  I couldn’t understand a word he screamed!  But I got my bossom signed  - check out the pic in my pics! Those are NOT tattoos on my chest!

Okay so 4 or 5 Smirnoff’s later and some hangin’ out we left the pub around 1 ish.  Hit the Arby’s drive through for some chicken shakers and I managed to shake the chicken right out of the shaker and between the driver seat and center console.  So then it was a trip to a gas station for some clean-up stuff.  Belinda still found a piece of chicken there as of yesterday! LOL!  But the chicken was still bangin! LOL! 

So we got home around 2:0OAM and hit the sack.  No sooner than I closed my eyes- - - I think I had to get up.  Promised Taira I would be at church.  So topped off the Honda with coolant to get me to church and off I went.  Bless Belinda’s heart for getting up and making me coffee! :) 

Okay- so get t his.  On my way to a party where you can buy artificial aids for self gratification my Honda misbehaves to slow my roll.  But on the way back it got me to church just fine without having to stop - and the distance was about the same.  Hello Lord!!!!!!!!

Got to church JUST IN TIME to miss only one song.  Again - the emphasis of the word was - GET BAPTIZED.  They were Baptizing this Sunday.  But I chose to wait.  Taira and I will discuss it and it is most likely that we will get Baptized next opportunity.  Justin and Matthew gave Taira their old children’s Bible (which she faithfully read this morning).   She is very into it - so we’ll discuss what that means and then - we’ll take the dip. :)  Justin and Matthew also decided to get up and get Baptized unplanned - and that made Kathy very happy!

After church we headed to Kathy’s house with others for a cook-out and a lazy day.  We were SUPPOSED to help them paint the fence, but we decided that a lazy day was going to be more fun.  So after the cook-out everybody else headed out to their Sunday afternoon business and Taira and I stayed behind.  We watched One Night with the King (VERY GOOD) and Snakes on a Plane….(Can’t wait for the sequel - MORE Snakes on a Plane! LOL!) with David and Kathy and itw as it was nice being lazy and just hanging out with good company. 

Alas we left at about 5:00PM to head home because Georgina was coming riding at 6:00PM.  Got home - pulled up three horses, groomed and saddled and when Georgina arrived we headed out for 2 hours of trail and returned for 30 minutes of arena time.  Had a very nice ride.  Georgina will be back out next Sunday!

I’ll tell ya what - I had an over-all fulfillng weekend, but when I gave in for the night - that was all she wrote! LOL!

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