It was neat, it was a “cocktail” party.  You went in, registerred, grabbed a card with 5 questions on it and then you had to mingle with other people to get answers to the question. (You had to have someone who fit the question sigh.  For example…find someone who is NOT from the Triangle, find someone who is single, find someone who likes the same college team as you…etc….etc….)  You only had to get one signature per question…but I’m going to suggest to Jamie that next time you have to get three signatures for each question.  Makes for more mingling.  Of course we all know me and how SHY I am…so mingling was not a problem…so needing three signatures would be an excuse! LOL!  

There were hor’s devours and “mock”tails.  Non-alcoholic versions of classic coctails.  It really was a neat way of doing it.  In all my chatting…I noticed that so many other people seemed comfortable chatting! 

I met some great new folks.  I ended up hooking up in the Singles group, but had so much fun meeting other folks in other potential groups.  I contemplated a mixed group and an unfocussed group.  I figured in a mixed gorup there would be so much to gather from different folks, married, single, female, male, kids, no kids….etc.

Our first Community Group meeting is this coming Wednesday.  Ha - I informed Q last night that Taira will be with him every Wednesday.  But he seemed okay with it! 

Anyway- as I reflected on it this morning on my way in…I smiled.  Good things are happening.  God is bringing me to a place he wants me to share my gifts with and learn from.  He’s bringing people into my life and who knows…maybe bringing me into theirs…for a very good reason.  It’s starting to feel good to have “purpose.”  But I felt very fulfilled when I left.  Even think I might be going to a Womens Retreat in September.  

That’s right.  There’s a new man in my life and it’s time I tell you all about it.  I’ve been holding out on you.  Now you may want to catch up and go into my blog archives to June 25 and read the very first church blog!  You need to start from the beginning to follow my journey.

Anyway…this is a spin-off from that blog a few weeks ago when we contemplated on a man for me!

I’m no longer on a mission to find a new man…because I’ve found one.  His name…is Jesus.  He is the only one who can truly help me in my quest to find someone to spend the rest of my life with (other than him)…the right way.  He has probably already created this man just for me and has just been waiting for the right time to bring him into my life.  Who knows….he could be someone who is in my life in some way already - but just not on that level just yet.  Time will tell.  Good things are happening and more good things are going to happen.  Who knows…maybe I am not meant to have another man…but it’s up to God to decide that.

So I’m not going to be out there dating and bouncing around looking for someone to come into my life…that just needs to happen on God’s terms.  My focus will be on living the right life, taking care of Taira and being who I am supposed to be…not who I’ve been in the unchurched sense. 

I’ve sat and thought about this the past couple of days.  The best treasures are the ones you didn’t seek out to find.  They find you…or you stumble upon them by accident.  (But truthfully…if it’s God’s will it wasn’t an accident at all then was it!?!)

God will bring into my life on his terms… the man on this earth who can cleanse me of my previous misconceptions and replace them with REAL love and make me complete.

I swore off marriage…but you know what…if it’s God’s will I will be married because he will bring someone to me who will love me completely and I will WANT to marry him to commit ALL of me to him and only him (well…and God of course)!  

I know some of my girls are like “Whoah now!  Melinda said the M word!!!  Hey…I’m just thinking okay!  Don’t break out invitations and plan a bachelorette party!  LOL! 

But honestly…I know we’ve had our girl talks.  Several friends have divorced or separated within the past 2 years or just plain having problems and for those reasons I’ve been like “I’m glad I never got married!” But let’s be honest now…I’ve got friends in good marriages and I am not afraid to admit that I have been jealous of them at the same time.  For my girls who are just going through hard times in their relationships…pray about it.  Honestly- try it. 

Now while everyone said Q and I might as well have been married with an 11 year stretch and this is pretty much a “divorce”…our relationship never mirrored that of what I would consider a relationship with all the elements of what would make a good marriage.   I thought the ending of his alcoholism would change things…and it did change things.  But it did not necessarily make things better…I think it just brought to light that I was not IN LOVE with this man.

Now I also believe - everything happens for a reason.  And well…I guess the whole realationship thing with Q happened for a reason.  The good and the bad of it.  Who knows where I would be if he and I didn’t happen.  Sure..  I should have put more thought into getting into that relationship when we were just friends.  I was much younger then…I didn’t think it through. 

But truthfully, we have to look at it this way.  If I hadn’t gone through it with him I wouldn’t be where I am now.  I wouldn’t have the job I have, know the people I know and be surrounded by the greatest group of friends someone could ask for.  I wouldn’t have Taira…and she’s the most precious thing in my world.  But I can’t sit back and do the whole “what if” thing…because sometimes the what if isn’t better than what IS or WAS.  What is or was is how it was meant to be…I believe that. 

And in my new journey…what will be will probably be shaped by a lot of what is or was.  My old life will intertwine with my new life to show me how great it can be so that perhaps I can share that with others.   There’s a new song by Mercy Me called “Bring the Rain.”  It’s pretty reflective of what I was just talking about.  Bring the hard times if it will bring me closer to you (God).  Check it out -it’s on their MySpace Music page.  In fact I think I’ll go make it my profile page song. (Came back to edit-song not yet available on MySpace so if you want to hear it click on it in my Playlist under my Music preference section in my profile).

I know some of you (well most of you) have listenned to me gripe about Q and what he isn’t or hasn’t done and asked why I haven’t just “put him out” and honestly my friends…I just don’t want to hear that anymore and …I’m done griping.  While the majority of my friends say “he’s got to go…he’s doing nothing but living off of you and taking advantage of the free ride” there have been a handful of you who understand why I haven’t turned ugly about the whole ordeal. 

I want him to be okay…I want him to be comfortable and not out camping in a tent on the property when it’s cold out or hot out.   I want to see him doing better than he has been.  I want to see him be successful with his horse barn and training program.  It’s no long “our” vision…since I have a vision of my own.  But I guess in a way I want to see this man who has always been held down by his own demons and by others…be okay and happy. 

And while it frustrates me to no end…nothing good will come out of me just throwing him out.  It will cause things to be ugly between us…and I don’t want that.  I want to be able to be civil.  I want him to stay active in Taira’s life and not give up on it like he did with Lucas because he couldn’t get along with Lucas’s mother.  I know he loves Taira…but if we don’t get along he’ll just throw in the towel.

I was saying “as long as he is there…I can’t move on into a new relationship.”  But that’s not true now.  Because nothing about him being there will keep me from having a relationship with God.  As long as he (Q) isn’t hurting me…it’s not truthfully hurting anything for him to be there.   I pray every day for God to help him get things in order so that he can leave the house and be okay.  And when he’s ready to move him out…he will.  Maybe his keeping him there is just his way of putting me closer to him (God). 

For those of you who worry and think he might hurt me before he ever lets me move on…let’s just put that in God’s hands.  I would like to think that Q would never physcially hurt me.  Even when he drank he never raised his hand to me (voice maybe…but never a hand) when we fought.  I would like to think he wouldn’t hurt me…so let’s not spend any time worrying about it.

So my friends…bear with me through this.  This is where “Can You Stand The Rain” comes to play and I will weed out the Fairweather Friends.   I’m afraid that some of my friends will be too overwhelmed by this “new” me to hang in there…but I know there are some of you who will stick with me wherever my journey leads me and have already told me so (or don’t even have to because…I know). All I’m asking is you respect the decisions I’m making or not making right now… and hang in for rest of the ride.                  God Bless, Mel

Well for those who did not get the text….Taira and I took “The Plunge” this past Sunday.

We followed the calling to be baptized at NHC. (www.encounternhc.com)   We joined our other friends embarking on this journey together.  Me, Taira, 2 of my friends’ children (Andrea and Rachel) and a co-worker and his wife (Omara and Gabrielle).

Taira asked me if we were going to be baptized this weekend…and honestly I hadn’t really dwelled on the whole idea.  I was one of those that Pastor Bowman would say always “Stopped at the door”  But on the way to church I asked Taira if she understood what it meant to be baptized.  I asked if if she knew she loved Jesus and she said “I have loved Jesus my whole life” and I said “Really?” and she said “Yes, because if it weren’t for Jesus I might not be here.  And I might not have been safe after me and daddy’s accident.”  (She was referring to the car accident they got into a few years back when someone ran a stop sign.) And she said she was willing to make a commitment to loving Jesus and living by Gods rules.

So at the start of the message we exitted to the lobby and we went and signed up and to be baptized.  There - in front of a church full of people we hardly know (and some we do) we were going to profess our Faith and belief in God. And so…we were baptized.

We were cheered for, congratulated, hugged by strangers…simply because we have put our faith and trust in Jesus Christ, our savior!  It was a very humbling experience.  Where the normal, funny Melinda would have stepped into that pool and said something like “Oooh it’s warm in here.  Hey…where are the bubbles?” I was moved only to answer that I have accepted Christ!  Funny and sarcastic Melinda was being held down by something else saying “this is serious business!”

Now let me share this with you.  I didn’t get baptized and immediately come out of the water hearing angels sing and see “the light.” God didn’t speak to me and tell everyone that he was pleased (though I know that he was!)  But immediately after coming out of the baptism pool I was met by my friend Georgina (some of you have met her or at least her mention of her name).  There she was…standing there waiting to congratulate me for the decision I had made.  Now I have known Georgina for a few years now.  We met by medical circmstances…she is one of my doctors (my favorite actually and we all know I hate going to the doctor, no matter what for, but she always makes me feel “old friend” comfortable rather than doctor formal when I go to see her).  Years ago she began to take riding lessons with me.  But she lives a good 35 miles away on the southside of Durham.  The drive became too much and I could only understand when her schedule made it all to inconvenient.  Recently, when time permits, I have invited her to just come and ride with me whenever she has a free weekend.  Most recently she came out with her whole family, her husband Mike and her daughter Alexandra.  They all rode and I cooked out for them and we just enjoyed a day.

Anyway, there she was, waiting as I stepped out of the pool to give me a long congratulating hug (despite the fact that I was dripping wet and she was in a nice little Sunday outfit).  She embraced me to being teary eyed and honestly I was overwhelmed that she was compelled to meet me outside of the pool.  She told me that she was proud of me and this was the best decision I could make in my life.  And when we were done hugging she was all wet, too in her cute outfit, but didn’t care because she was that happy for me!

After changing from my wet clothes and coming back into the lobby after service let out I was hugged and congratulated by other members of the church, friends and children of friends.  Nothing about being baptized at NHC is anything short of wonderful.

After personally introducing me to Pastor Bowman, his wife and several other friends Georgina and her family (Mike and Alexandra) invited us over to their home after service to celebrate.  I had a Bull City Trail meeting at 3:00PM, but Taira went home with them to swim and play with Alex and then I went over later in the evening for a wonderful dinner and to pick Taira up.

As Georgina and her family welcomed  us into their home, I felt a big elation and a different sense of acceptance. Not the same as the acceptance of my regular “hanging out” friends…but on a different level.  Perhaps just that someone in my life shared in the joy of me accepting Christ…and that it was someone who knew me and shared my company before I stepped into the church and rejoiced in my commitment. 

While Mike and the kids sat upstairs Georgina and I talked.  We all know I’m a talker…but it was a different level of discussion on some subjects that I welcomed.  And we all know I’m a talker when I’m comfortable with someone so you can only imagine…but it was nice and I felt content. 

Anyway it was a wonderful end to a day of deciding to turn my life around.  I was moving in the opposite direction of where I SHOULD be going…and this is the first step in the RIGHT direction I have made in a very long time!  Baptism is a new beginning for me.  I finally stepped through the door instead of stoppping at it…and the best part is that I get to leave everything on the other side and start over.

Yes, I truly believe that this will be the positive turning point in my life.  I am now putting my life into His hands and from now on, things will happen as God intends for me. Good or bad.  (Because I truly believe that even the bad is put before us for a reason…and I’m probably living proof of that!)  I’ve been living against his plan and now I am willing to walk the journey he intended for me all along.  And yes, I relaize what all this means and trust me, I’ve put serious thought into gong “All in.”  It’s time to change some things.  But to know that I am forgiven for all the wrongs I’ve done up to this point makes the rward all the greater.

This may seem a little overwhelming to some of you…to see these thoughts coming fro ME.  But don’t be alarmed my friends, because nothing but GOOD is sure to come of this.  I am not going to disown you if you aren’t a Christian or you choose to stay “unchurched.”  You are still my friends…and I will pray for you regardless.  And while I can only hope that you, too, will find Christ one day I will do nothing more than encourage you to come with me one day to see for yourself what has helped me into this new mode.  All I can say is…you’ll be surprised by what you realize when you let Jesus into your heart.

So from here on out- you can probably expect a bit of a different tone to my blogs.  I was looking back at some old blogs…thinking I should delete some of them because they are no longer compatable with “the new me.”  But then I thought about it …and it seems that they should stay where they are. They will be reflective of the old me…and evidence of my journey to the new me.  And throughout all of this I believe God has brought a few people into my life to help me on this journey.

This Thursday I will go to the church for “Group Link.”  This is where you can be matched with a group that fits your interst (couples, singles, single parents, age compatable, etc) for Bible study.  A group you can establish personal relationships with as you embark on your journey (I’ve come to realize…I am really only beginning!).  I am looking forward to finding a group to share this all with and to learn from those farther along in the journey than I am.  And you know me…I’m looking forward to new friends.

Now you guys know that something touches my life when I’m compelled to write a poem or a rap about it.  So you got it, last night in my head on the car ride home from Georginas I was reflecting on the total day and a rap (or a poem if it suits you, but it was a spoken rap in my mind) began to materialize.  I finished it today while listening to “I’m not who I was” by Brandon Heath (the beat fit the spoken rap almost perfectly) so if you want to try to piece it together- the words to the beat go to www.brandonheath.net. 

 I’ll share it with you, but I’m hoping one day to be able to share it somewhere in NHC.  (Maybe right now I just want the whole world to know how I’m feeling).   Who knows, perhaps one day I’ll get up on the stage at NHC and intertwine it into a worship song like I used to do back in the day when I used to make a rap to go with songs already existing.  I’ve been blessed the gift of rhyme…and maybe THIS is why.  Seems I’ll be rapping about something a whole lot different that my back in the day raps.  Perhaps this is a gift I will be meant to share with the church.  But for now- you can be my audience and hopefully it radiates exactly how I feel about the whole experience.

For years I walked alone

Oh I was lost in this life

I realized all the wrong

But wasn’t searching for right

I walked a long broken path

A lifestyle tainted by sin

I didn’t shut Jesus out

But didn’t  invite him in

Until a day there came some friends

I know that He sent to me

To invite me to a place

And that was ”NHC”

Though I came as I was

I felt no guilt or no shame

And for the wrongs in my lfe

 No contempt and no blame

And there he came to my heart

And I was saved by a prayer

Saw I was never alone

For He had always been there

At first I stopped at the door

But I have finally walked in

Baptized – I am new

And now I’m worshipping Him

Who bore my sins on that cross

Who died so that I could live

Who’s wanting so much for me

That all my sins he forgives

And now he reigns in a place

One day that I hope to see

But in the meantime His love

Forever rains upon me!

                                            Melinda Duarte

 I don’t know how I do it - but I manage to stay out late/early and STILL get up and go to work on time and function.

Last night it was Stephanie’s birthday for the occassion.  Steph’s ma-girl -we go way back.  So hell yeah I was gon’ go out and chill with her and her peeps for a few drinks.  

So much to Taira’s dismay (“What time will you be home Mommy?”….”I don’t know Taira!) I left her with her deddy and headed to Bailey’s Pub and Grill.  That’s a nice little chill spot - I’ll do dat again.  I invited Fitz and Chris from work and Fitz invited Gwen (the Office Manager) - not thinking she would really come.  But she did.  So who knows what kinda gossip will be said now seein’ the Real Melinda away from work.  LOL!  ZIP IT!!!!  I think Gwen was entertained though wether it be from the jokes and laughs to my Freestyle rapping!  I don’t know if she gets out much.

Anyway - Susan and Joe (who looks at me like I’m crazy- but I think deep down he really likes me! HA HA) were there.  Hey - turns out my new hole secret get-a-way The Wooden Nickel - is also a spot THEY hang at.  So there will probably be some “Hung out at the Wooden Nickel” stories on the regular soon cuz they better  call me when they go!  Just a good place to go, have a glass of wine, sit at the outside tables and watch Hillsborough go by on Churton Street.

There was Steph of course, her friends (and mine now, too - you are cursed with Redbone bondage now cuz any friend of Steph’s who can tolerate me for more than 20 minutes is a friend of mine) Tina and Gia and then Fitz and Chris showed up for some pool.

Had me some crazy big Ultimate Nachos (Tina couldn’t take her eyes off them.  That was a big plate of errything!), a Blue Wave Lemondade, 2 Jack and Cokes (DIET - to counter the Ultimate Nachos - ha ha) and a not so good Birthday Cake shot (I’ve had better - but I won’t hold it against Baileys).  And guess what - no hangover and I’m still at work today. HA HA! (More than I can say for Fitz n’ Chris!  Lucky for them they have such a cool  Supervisor who will give them the next day off when they ask at 11:00PM the night before!)  Now I’m not a big drinker - a social drinker if you will.  I don’t keep alcohol at the house for many reasons..but if we go out I’m going to have a few drinks and if you’re coming over I will grab some margarita makings or a bottle of cheap wine.

Anyway, a good time was had by all (I think).  From Stephanie forcin’ my fingers in some nachos and some cheese til I got tired of that and made her wear the cheese as face paint (I think we were closerthanthis to a real @$$ food-fight!  HA HA!).to some at the table On Demand Freestyle (I ain’t your puppet beeyotches! LOL!)…just a lotta laughs and fun.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE!   

I figure I should probably try to blog in here at least once a week and that way - those of you I don’t see much can keep up with my busy life.  Ha ha. So here’s the week from Saturday August11th through the 20th.

My dad and stepmom came to visit from Masscahusettes.  They came in LATE/EARLY Saturday morning.  I dragged them (well they wanted to come) to a horse show Saturday afternoon.  Ransom did well.  2 seconds and a third in the Pleasure classes.  I’m always so proud when he’s placing high behind $12,000 horses!  Taira and DMC did well - but they did not place all day.  But her classes were big and she was riding well.  She’s such a good little sport.  I know she’s used to hearing her number and name in the placings, but even though she didn’t place she clapped for every other competitor.  I ended up on the announcers stand (as usual) and announced for barrels.  They wanted me to stay and announce for pole bending…but I decided not to stay til the end of the show so my folks didn’t get too bored so home we went and I made spaghetti after turning the ponies out.  The end.

Sunday I took the fam to church with me. They enjoyed it.  And the topic was “ZIP IT.”  The power and pain of gossip.  I swear I love this church.  LOL!  Then we headed to Hurdle Mills and stopped at the Rock of Ages Winery.  Nice spot.  I’ll go back for a wine tasting.  Bought a bottle of wine, got some grill grub from HM Meat Market and headed to the house.  When we got home we hung out at the house and I cooked out on the grill.  Some of the fellaz came by the house to get Q to shoe some horses for them

Monday I went to work and Taira stayed home with the folks.  They took her to Wal-Mart school clothes shopping.  Q gave me $280 to get Taira situated for school.  Isn’t he just the model father?  (Okay- well we know he loves Taira, anyway).  When I came home Taira happily modelled the cute little outfits she picked out one by one.  Then we headed to Raleigh to visit my cousin Debbie and got home LATE LATE LATE (like after 1:00AM).

Tuesday I chugged through work. Taira and the folks went bowling.  Mid-day- I started feeling like C-R-A-P.  So when I got home I went to lay down - and that was all she wrote.  Luckily-  my family is low maintenance and they didn’t mind.  I guess Taira occupied them and I have no idea who went to bed when or what.  But Wednesday morning - there was no getting up and no going to work for me.

Now I was sick - no doubt about it.  Hurt to swallow - head hurt - just kill me now!

My folks scheduled to leave out this morning to head back north and Q wants to know if I’m going to work.  My answer determind whether or not I could sleep and rest peacefully or have to worry about Taira all day.  Not that she doesn’t love to pamper her sick mommy and can’t half take care of herself-but I mean - if I can just sleep and not worry about her…don’t I deserve that?  So I said I was going to work and off Taira went with daddy.

My folks pulled out around 11 ish.  I was sad to see them go - but happy to curl back up on the couch and sleep the day away!!!

Thursday - I let Taira stay home with me.  I musterred some get up and about energy and moved around the house a little bit.  Tended to the horses - even staked out a temporary paddock in the yard so they could eat some of the grass down.  Taira and I even went and laid out on the trampoline where I napped - until the guy down the road came to bush-hog the front pasture.  That wasn’t peaceful -so after awhile I went back to the couch.  But now I can see the horses across the pasture …and how terribly dry it is out there.  We need some rain!!!

Didn’t do much with the rest of the evening.  Watched High School Musical with Taira and went to bed early.

Friday.  Feelin’ a little better, throat quit hurtin’, head quit hurtin’!  Just feel tired, but might as well go to work.  OOOPS! Would be on time if not for the fact that at some point before getting sick I left the keys in the car when I went out to roll the windows up and the battery got sucked down because the key wasn’t all the way off.  So I’m gonna jump the Honda with the truck—-NOT!  Truck battery dead, too.  Made a few calls and got a jump for the Honda from Lanie and went to work.

Saturday I got up early and Taira and I went shopping.  For those who know - I am attending a friend’s formal attire wedding in September, which, by the way I am looking forward to - and I need a dress.  So been shopping around for a dress.  Hit a formal attire outlet in Hillsborough with absolutely no luck.  Then decided to go up the highway and Taira and I went to South Point Mall.  I tried on some dresses in JC Penny - and my goodness I think I want to wear more dresses.  Tried one on that I really liked -not formal enough for the wedding - but I just wanted to try it on.  It was on sale- and I should have bought it. But I didn’t need it so I didn’t buy it.  LOL!  Taira and I walked around the mall and then we headed back to Hillsborough.  Stopped at Subway and got something to eat and then headed in to Wal-Mart to finish Taira’s school clothes shopping.  Bought her a few more cute outfits and then we ran into Chmekia and her kids.

So we shopped around a bit and then stopped over at the Goodwill Store.  I got some very nice wine glasses (cuz you know - wine is my thing now) for less than $4.00 for 4 and then we headed back to the house.

Taira and I saddled up Dry Mountain and Levi and took a little trail ride, met up on the trail with a few of the locals and rode with them (very briefly) and came home through the wooded trail across the street in the nearly pitch black dark.  And so ends the day! LOL!

Sunday we headed to church and when we got home mom and Pop-Pop were already there. Pop-Pop was already happily mowing the lawn and gramma was just hanging out and had already let out the happy hounds. 

I cooked lunch/brunch/dinner - whatever it is at about 3:00PM - Lemon Pepper chicken breasts, lemon pepper shrimp, brocolli and parmesan cheese, rice and mom had brought salad and potato salad.  We hung out a bit, watched One Night with The King and then they headed out and took the little munchkin with them for a few days.  Shortly after they left I left out to go help a friend with a horse that we used to own.  Turns out she’s just been real screwed up by her previous owner so she needs a refresher so Q will be taking her in.

Stopped at a friend’s house on the way home and then on impulse we headed to the Wooden Nickle in Hillsborough for a few drinks.  That’s a nice little spot.  Hole in the wall bar with outside tables.  Stayed for a bit and met a few locals and out of towners and then headed to the Waffle House. Now this is a Sunday.  What was I thinking?  I didn’t get in until a little after 5:00AM!  So off to work to start a new week on two hours of sleep! LOL! 

They prayed for me at church yesterday…and I got a call today to ease the worry. What has God done for YOU latelY? 

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