The Chronicles of Melinda

That’s right.  There’s a new man in my life and it’s time I tell you all about it.  I’ve been holding out on you.  Now you may want to catch up and go into my blog archives to June 25 and read the very first church blog!  You need to start from the beginning to follow my journey.

Anyway…this is a spin-off from that blog a few weeks ago when we contemplated on a man for me!

I’m no longer on a mission to find a new man…because I’ve found one.  His name…is Jesus.  He is the only one who can truly help me in my quest to find someone to spend the rest of my life with (other than him)…the right way.  He has probably already created this man just for me and has just been waiting for the right time to bring him into my life.  Who knows….he could be someone who is in my life in some way already - but just not on that level just yet.  Time will tell.  Good things are happening and more good things are going to happen.  Who knows…maybe I am not meant to have another man…but it’s up to God to decide that.

So I’m not going to be out there dating and bouncing around looking for someone to come into my life…that just needs to happen on God’s terms.  My focus will be on living the right life, taking care of Taira and being who I am supposed to be…not who I’ve been in the unchurched sense. 

I’ve sat and thought about this the past couple of days.  The best treasures are the ones you didn’t seek out to find.  They find you…or you stumble upon them by accident.  (But truthfully…if it’s God’s will it wasn’t an accident at all then was it!?!)

God will bring into my life on his terms… the man on this earth who can cleanse me of my previous misconceptions and replace them with REAL love and make me complete.

I swore off marriage…but you know what…if it’s God’s will I will be married because he will bring someone to me who will love me completely and I will WANT to marry him to commit ALL of me to him and only him (well…and God of course)!  

I know some of my girls are like “Whoah now!  Melinda said the M word!!!  Hey…I’m just thinking okay!  Don’t break out invitations and plan a bachelorette party!  LOL! 

But honestly…I know we’ve had our girl talks.  Several friends have divorced or separated within the past 2 years or just plain having problems and for those reasons I’ve been like “I’m glad I never got married!” But let’s be honest now…I’ve got friends in good marriages and I am not afraid to admit that I have been jealous of them at the same time.  For my girls who are just going through hard times in their relationships…pray about it.  Honestly- try it. 

Now while everyone said Q and I might as well have been married with an 11 year stretch and this is pretty much a “divorce”…our relationship never mirrored that of what I would consider a relationship with all the elements of what would make a good marriage.   I thought the ending of his alcoholism would change things…and it did change things.  But it did not necessarily make things better…I think it just brought to light that I was not IN LOVE with this man.

Now I also believe - everything happens for a reason.  And well…I guess the whole realationship thing with Q happened for a reason.  The good and the bad of it.  Who knows where I would be if he and I didn’t happen.  Sure..  I should have put more thought into getting into that relationship when we were just friends.  I was much younger then…I didn’t think it through. 

But truthfully, we have to look at it this way.  If I hadn’t gone through it with him I wouldn’t be where I am now.  I wouldn’t have the job I have, know the people I know and be surrounded by the greatest group of friends someone could ask for.  I wouldn’t have Taira…and she’s the most precious thing in my world.  But I can’t sit back and do the whole “what if” thing…because sometimes the what if isn’t better than what IS or WAS.  What is or was is how it was meant to be…I believe that. 

And in my new journey…what will be will probably be shaped by a lot of what is or was.  My old life will intertwine with my new life to show me how great it can be so that perhaps I can share that with others.   There’s a new song by Mercy Me called “Bring the Rain.”  It’s pretty reflective of what I was just talking about.  Bring the hard times if it will bring me closer to you (God).  Check it out -it’s on their MySpace Music page.  In fact I think I’ll go make it my profile page song. (Came back to edit-song not yet available on MySpace so if you want to hear it click on it in my Playlist under my Music preference section in my profile).

I know some of you (well most of you) have listenned to me gripe about Q and what he isn’t or hasn’t done and asked why I haven’t just “put him out” and honestly my friends…I just don’t want to hear that anymore and …I’m done griping.  While the majority of my friends say “he’s got to go…he’s doing nothing but living off of you and taking advantage of the free ride” there have been a handful of you who understand why I haven’t turned ugly about the whole ordeal. 

I want him to be okay…I want him to be comfortable and not out camping in a tent on the property when it’s cold out or hot out.   I want to see him doing better than he has been.  I want to see him be successful with his horse barn and training program.  It’s no long “our” vision…since I have a vision of my own.  But I guess in a way I want to see this man who has always been held down by his own demons and by others…be okay and happy. 

And while it frustrates me to no end…nothing good will come out of me just throwing him out.  It will cause things to be ugly between us…and I don’t want that.  I want to be able to be civil.  I want him to stay active in Taira’s life and not give up on it like he did with Lucas because he couldn’t get along with Lucas’s mother.  I know he loves Taira…but if we don’t get along he’ll just throw in the towel.

I was saying “as long as he is there…I can’t move on into a new relationship.”  But that’s not true now.  Because nothing about him being there will keep me from having a relationship with God.  As long as he (Q) isn’t hurting me…it’s not truthfully hurting anything for him to be there.   I pray every day for God to help him get things in order so that he can leave the house and be okay.  And when he’s ready to move him out…he will.  Maybe his keeping him there is just his way of putting me closer to him (God). 

For those of you who worry and think he might hurt me before he ever lets me move on…let’s just put that in God’s hands.  I would like to think that Q would never physcially hurt me.  Even when he drank he never raised his hand to me (voice maybe…but never a hand) when we fought.  I would like to think he wouldn’t hurt me…so let’s not spend any time worrying about it.

So my friends…bear with me through this.  This is where “Can You Stand The Rain” comes to play and I will weed out the Fairweather Friends.   I’m afraid that some of my friends will be too overwhelmed by this “new” me to hang in there…but I know there are some of you who will stick with me wherever my journey leads me and have already told me so (or don’t even have to because…I know). All I’m asking is you respect the decisions I’m making or not making right now… and hang in for rest of the ride.                  God Bless, Mel

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