The Chronicles of Melinda

I feel weird saying that I am thankful that he isn’t taking anyone close to me right now.  I dread the day I have to face another loss…and the day I will lose anyone I am  close, to.  The thought alone scares me…sometimes even causes me excessive worry about people if I don’t hear from them when I am supposed to.  The last person I lost (that Heaven gained) who I was close to that hit me kind of hard was my grandmother.  I guess I always thought she would live forever…that she would never grow old (because she never seemed to!)  Her death was unexpected, the news caught me completely off guard.  I guess I just wasn’t ready for it and I wasn’t ready for the roller coaster of emotions that came with it.  I spent a lot of time regretting the time I did NOT get to spend with her due to our distance.

Just recently an e-friend lost her father.  She asked me to write a poem for him (it’s what I do…and I think I find some peace in knowing that my gift has the ability to bring comfort to people in their time of loss).  I asked her to send me a summary of things that she wanted me to touch on in the poem.  In reading the summary, I had such great respect for someone I never even met just reading all of the great things she had to say about her dad.  A great provider for his family, God-loving, an employer who truly cared about his employees and their families, an adoring husband who never had an ill word for his wife, a father who told his daughter he loved her EVERY day as far back as she could remember, someone who had a true zest for life and instilled in his family to live and love big and enjoy life.  He sounded like someone I would loved to have known.  I only hoped I could put into words everything that I got from reading hers!  I was honorred that she said my poem was on his Memorial table.  (You can read it and my other Remembrance poems by clicking on the “Poem” tag on the left hand side of this page). 

I’ve had to comfort friends who’ve lost someone close to them…and that in itself is hard.  How do you truly comfort someone who has lost someone?  I’ve found that the best approach is the “remember when” approach….bringing up funny and happy memories.   Or asking them to share something they will truly miss about the person…give them a chance to talk about how great or special someone was.  There will be tears…there will be the realization that that is gone…that’s just the way it is.  But I’m constantly telling people to try to rejoice in the celebration of their life through happy memories rather than sulk in the grief of their loss.   Grieve because you have to and it’s natural…but bask in the memories as much as you can.

I think the hardest thing is trying to comfort someone who has lost someone is trying to help them understand why God would take someone from them.  I spent a lot of time with one of my very close friends when she lost a son a few years ago.  I can’t even begin to express how hard that time was emotionally.  Nothing tears me up like seeing a friend down at the bottom and being truly unable to “fix” it for them.   My biggest fear was losing it myself and being unable to be the strength she needed.   I was worried that she was looking to me for strength and support, the one who conquers everything and that I would crumble at any moment and be no good to her.  Nothing gets to me more than seeing someone ELSE break down.  (This is why I’m a sap at sad movies!)

I wasn’t as strong in my Faith as I am now back then, but I believed in God.  My friend turned away from her Faith as a result because she just couldn’t understand why God would take her son.  She was mad at God.   It bothered me, because their family went to church together.   But I really didn’t know then how to handle her turning her back on God…but I certainly understood it.  (I’m happy to say that she has moved back into the church). 

You can only hope that you can convince someone that God needed their loved one, that it was their time to be with Him in Heaven and try to help them rejoice that their loved one lives in an eternal and wonderful place far better than any time or place on earth.  But I guess it is natural for someone to go through the WHY’s of it all and to question God’s love for them when he takes someone from their life.  You can only hope that you can convince them that God’s love for their loved one far outweighs the grief of their loss and that when He takes someone to Heaven…they are far happier than they would ever be on earth. 

Another good friend of mine lost her father last month.  In talking to her I was amazed and exhilarated by her words.  Her words were not full of grief and sorrow, she was full of peace and comfort that she spent some last wonderful moments with her father and that he went peacefully.  Of course she admitted there were some emotional moments…as there will always be… but she was very accepting of his passing knowing he was in a better place and her peace came from those last cherished moments with him.  Some people are just far better at this than others.  I was just so amazed at her resilience.  It was almost breathtaking.  I didn’t feel sorry for her when I talked to her…I felt uplifted by her very take on it all.

You know you watch all those comedy movies about people who die and “weren’t ready” yet asking to go back so they can fix things.  Right now there’s “Over her dead body”.  A woman dies and haunts her ex’s new girlfriend by showing up unexpectedly.  Not ready for anyone to have her man…even though she no longer could.  Think about it…when are we truly “ready”?  Ready to go or ready to be left…how do we convince ourselves that we are “ready” for death?  I’d like to think that every day we should be “ready”.  At the same time I think we worry about everyone we are leaving behind when it is our own time.  Is our family provided for?  Are there matters unfinished?  Sorry’s unsaid?  You don’t want your death to be a burden to anyone…don’t leave any loose ends to be tied up by everyone else.  I’ve seen some pretty messy affairs after someone’s death.  Disputes over who gets what? what goes where? What’s left unpaid?  How will it be paid? 

I’ve learned by watching the maddness the importance of having at least one person in your life who knows how you want everything to be when your time comes.  You know you don’t even have to have a legal will…but write down somewhere what your wishes are.  A simple piece of paper with your signature (I’ve learned) can make a big difference.  Then you be at peace in knowing matters won’t be so stressful for those left behind trying to figure it all out. 

I also have learned the importance of making sure my family and friends know that I love them every possible chance I get so noone,  whether they go or I go first, will wonder how I felt about them. 

You know - I think I just rambled on in 5 different directions with no real conclusion to the thoughts.  Either way… just know that when I go, I want everyone to rejoice that I’m in a better place and be able to celebrate my life rather than concentrate on trivial matters of my death.  Sure…be sad that I’m gone (it means you’ll miss me :)….)but don’t spend too much time doing that…because hopefully while I might be missing those I loved on earth…I’ll just be waiting patiently to hang out with you in Heaven! :)  Know that when you go…I will be sad I am sure!  The loss of some may even kick me in my chest and knock me to my knees.  But when it’s all said and done either way (you or me first)…I’ll be happy that God Blessed me with you in my life while I was here and that when it’s all said and done…we’ll all live eternally ever after in Heaven.  Why?  Because we have a gracious and forgiving God who gave his one and only son to die for our sins so that we CAN be forgiven…and live eternally in Heaven when we have long been forgotten here on earth. AMEN

And if you are a youth here is your chance to watch them all again for the “Find God in the commercials” contest to bring to Spiked next week!

The Spiked Superbowl party was cool - we were worried about feeding the troops - but got the right amount of food with extras left over.  10 pizzas (6 GONE), 2 big pans of chicken tenders (ALL GONE) pan of like 75 hot wings (TOTALLY GONE).  Not to mention the veggie trayss, cheese and crackers, chips, dip and popcorn.  Oh - and can’t forget the ice cream - eaten straight out of the porcelain “Superbowls” (TOILETS!!! Don’t worry - they were clean and never been officially flushed! LOL!)  Since the ice cream was all gone - we’ll call it officially flushed! LOL!

Ringo Dingo Diggety Dawg got the privelege of coming and hanging out and having kids to throw the ball at his leisure all night.  Ringo Dingo Diggety Dawg - the dog that never stops! LOL!  Crowd pleaser for sure!

I recruited one of my super cool small group folks after service to come hang out (Thanks!!!) and he made a really nice gesture to one of our kids that warmed my heart! 

Anyway- it was all together great. Before the festivities started the boys were out playing football in the grass!  It was nice seeing everybody get along just having fun!

Well we sent the kids home to watch the second half of the game (it was a school night) at 8:00PM, cleaned up shop and went home.  By the time I got home I realized how tired I was.  Was out feeding the horses and got to feeling a little light headed and dizzy in the yard.  Figured I was just tired - so off to bed I went.

Had to get up a couple of times to let Rolo out - and BAM!  Every time I stood up the room was spinning!  Felt like I just got off a roller coaster with three loop-de-loops!  So this morning got Taira up for the bus- same thing so I opted to call in and stay in bed for a bit.  ‘Bout 11:30 I woke up and decided to just get up and go to work.  Shoulda stayed in bed.  Still feeling light headed.

When I get home - I’m feeding the critters and going back to bed.  
 

That said, ast night, my friends Carrie (a.k.a. “Cankle” per Adam), Shirley and I went shopping for the Spiked Superbowl Party at NHC tomorrow.  That’s right, tomorrow is Superbowl XLII.  (42).  From 4-8:00PM  (is the Superbowl going to be over by 8:00PM???) we’ll host a Superbowl Party for the youth.  Complete with pizza (of course), wings, ice cream (served in a special way I can’t tell you about right now), chips, dip, a veggie tray.  You know - Superbowl food.  So if you’ve got a youth who’d like to come hang out, have some fun, and watch the Superbowl on the big screen-bring ‘em on to the church.

Now I am not generally a football fan.  But I was doing some research for a Superbowl trivia game for the party.  I put together some trivia for Patriots fans and NY Giants fans.  So I’ve learned a little something and as a result…I will probably really get into this game.  Being born in Massachusettes, I figure I am going to go have to go for the Patriots.  After all - they’ve already got one Superbowl victory up on the Giants.  (I didn’t know that until researching for this trivia game!)  But, being one who likes to vote for the underdog, part of me wants to go for the Giants, too.  See why I’m not a good football fan.  Ha ha.  But hey, now I know some pretty cool trivia facts about both team (I’d rattle them for you, but if one of the youth reads my blog today they’ll know the answers to some of the trivia!  LOL!)  But a week ago  I couldn’t have told you squat about either of the teams.  Believe it or not, I didn’t even know WHO was playing in the Superbowl.  Who knows, maybe God wants me to start getting into football now.  I kind of found myself engrossed in the Official homepages for both teams for half a day!

Anyway, after shopping, the girls and I went to IHOP for some evening breakfast.  It was good and all (more so because of the company), but why don’t we have a DENNY’S in Durham???  I just saw a commercial for Denny’s…and we need a Denny’s.

After some eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage AND pancakes at 8:30 at night…it was off to go pick Taira up.  The 4th and 5th graders went to the Duke Women’s basketball game last night.   Taira told me she was going to be a Duke Women’s Basketball fan, but was staying a UNC Men’s Basketball fan.  I’ll go for that.  The Duke women won last night.  I will tell you that I commend the coach at Pathways and other adults who rode with those kids on the bus on the way back.  The bus was loud….no not the bus itself….but all the kids were singing and cheering and screaming and apparently they rode that way ALL the way back. 

Anyway, we headed back to Carrie’s, hung out there a little bit and then headed home.  I was TIRED!!!!  Kind of slept in a little this morning and am happy to say I got my taxes done today.  I REALLY needed to get my taxes done today.  Going to pay off a credit card (that I’m trying to decide if I’m going to keep for emergencies or just cancel all together), pay down a loan, pay the car taxes and breathe a little.

I got an invite for me and Taira to a cook-out this evening and am looking forward to hanging out a little bit.  Besides, there’s going to be a very sweet and precious little baby girl there (my friend’s baby) for me to love on.  I held her at church last Sunday and she smelled so sweet and she was just….well she was sooo sweet!  I am getting baby fever….somebody smack me!  Maybe I should stay home!

Oh yeah…this Wednesday is “The Big Game”.  You gonna watch?  If you don’t know what the “Big Game” is…well I can’t say nothin’ else from here.

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