The Chronicles of Melinda

But on more than one occassion I have allowed myself to become so consumed with everyone else’s problems, feelings, emotions that I have neglected my own.  Neglected myself to the point that it’s shut me down a couple of times.  The first thing I want to say is - please my friends do not think I am saying I don’t want to be there for you.  You know it’s the exact opposite and I will always be here any day, any hour of the night (even the wee ones - just give me a second to wake up) anytime you need me. Don’t ever think I don’t have time to be there for you.  I know I’m busy…but if it seems I’m too busy for you - lock it down and tell me straight up “I really need you right now” and I’m there.

But I’m not always good at following my own advice.  I’m always telling my friends not too let things fester if they need to get something out…talk to someone.  Wheter it’s me or someone else it doesn’t matter…just someone you can trust with your feelings. (And I know that’s hard to do).

But at the same time…I DO the exact opposite. I lock my feelings down deep. When someone asks me what’s wrong I say “nothing.” When they ask if I’m “ok” I say yes and try to keep rolling.  When something is pent up so that I have that day long lump in my throat and know it will only take the right person to ask, then- I shut myself away from anyone I feel can unlock my vulnerability. 

I let myself think that what’s bothering me is insignificant and unimportant to anyone else so I need to deal with it myself…and in short I am reluctant to trust anyone with my vulnerabilities. And yet - I know how important it is not to do that…and I am always encouraging my friends NOT to do that.  So I guess it’s time that I “practice what I preach.”

Now trust me, I know that sometimes that’s something hard to do because some people are hard to deal with.  You might need to go to someone first because you are so frustrated, angry or hurt…but make sure the person you are going to release to before you go is going to guide you in the right direction.  But let’s see what the Word says about this:

15“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)

Yup-sure enough it says - - - go to the person you are having a problem with! If they won’t listen- take someone else (pretty much to mediate). But please make sure you take someone neutral who won’t take sides. It will not accomplish anything! 

So if you come to me and I send you to confront someone directly and that doesn’t work then feel free to come get me if you need some mediating. Then if that doesn’t work we can take it to the church.  Not the whole church silly….just someone in the church you trust.  Do you know who you trust or are comfortable elevating matters to in your church?  I know who my church”go to” person is.  So you need to make sure you know who yours is). If the person still won’t listen ….welll then you need to rid yourself of them because otherwise they will continue to be like a parasite and bring you down.  Toxic friends - that’s what I call them.

You know what else this scripture says to me?  It says that there are some people in your life you are going to have to let go.  That may be hard to fathom…but I feel like this: If despite all efforts someone in your life continuosly brings you down, brings you stress and puts you in the middle of some drama that has nothing to do with you- - - it may be time for you to let them go. God will love you enough to make up for their loss….trust me on that.

Okay one more thing. You might read this post and think “what if I don’t go to church.”   Well the same applies to you my friend.  Take it straight to the person you are having a problem with. If that doesn’t work find a neutral friend or two to mediate for you.  If that doesn’t work….won’t you try GOD???  Come to NHC (or any church for that matter)- you might encounter Him there and He’ll guide you. Not to say in the long run…you still might not have this person in your life when all is said and done…but if it comes to that just know that it’s probably in your best interest.
 

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• http://tweetphoto.com/15089969 this was the ridiculous line to buy New Moon at midnight in Hillsborough 01:18:40 PM March 20, 2010 from Seesmic