Recovering from Jo Bros night.
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Last night Taira went with one of my best friends kids Allison and Alyssa to the concert at the Time Warner Pavillion in Raleigh (previously the Alltel pavillion and still indicated as such on all the signs in Raleigh). It was an ordeal getting it all together. I hate driving in Raleigh and I hate Raleigh traffic. Left work early to attempt to beat traffic. Didn’t happen. Got stuck in traffic due to a wreck at Wade Avenue.
Alyssa had to go early because she won a meet and greet opportunity, so I arranged to pick up Allison. So I navigated (and failed miserably) Raleigh’s inner and outer beltlines and Hwy 40 to pick up Allison and to meet my friend Sandy.
We orchestrated this grand scheme. Sandy’s daughter and her hubby were headed to the Jo Bros concert with VIP parking and seating. So we orchestrated her hubby taking all the girls to the concert and her and I hanging out. Traffic for the pavillion was off the wall. Reminds me why I prefer 2 lane country roads! But we made the exchange and Sandy and I were off to have child-less bonding time.
We went browsing and shopping. We had like - 4-5 hours to kill. So we went window shopping at a Country/Western store in Garner, went and bought some blinging things for my Spiked bandana, went to Best Buy and I finally got a 4GB Flash Drive so I can make sure all my pics on my PC are safe and sound in the event of a PC crash and the we headed to Buffalo Wild Wings for some wings and a couple of drinks.
Ever eaten at BW3’s? We ate there in honor of my friend MIchelle (Alyssa and Allison’s mom) cuz that was like - her favorite place to eat here. So we had spicy garlic wings, hot wings, Asian Zing wings and Carribean jerk wings. I topped it off with a Carribean martini and she with a Mango Margarita. We just caught up, got serious and did a lot of giggling. Then we went parking to hang out and wait for her hubby to come with the kids so we could do the kid exchange. I can’t even mention some of the things we did and giggled about (nothing obscene) - only cuz you just had to be there!
Anyway - when all was said and done I got home about 12:30AM with 3 sleepy kids. I have no idea how I made it home - Jesus must have taken the wheel. Taira was just ready to crash - Alyssa was on cloud 9 because she got to …OMG….HUG JOE JONAS! (That is apparently a big deal in the Jo Bro fan club!) and got a pic with them. Me - I was ready to crash.
I can’t wait to get the house in order. Hopefully this weekend things will be closer to looking normal in the house again.
So today I dropped Taira off and brought the girls to work with me so I could meet their dad and drop them off. Did you know McFlurry’s are the breakfast of choice when you take teenagers to McDonald’s before 10:30AM? LOL!
Anyway - stuff to do today - but man I’m running on fumes. We’re planning on spending some time with the girls next week before they leave NC to tour the White House and then head off to Texas to settle in to their new home.
On another note - I’m feeling the squeeze of the 90 tithe challenge. But at the same time I’ve been provided a new money making opportunity so that’s a blessing about to happen. God -bring on blessings!
Transitions
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I’m going through a living transition right now. I have a new roommate moving in…and Taira’s daddy is finally moving out. I hate to say it - but if I was going to have a roommate taking advantage of my paying bills…it was time to have one that could contribute. I was pretty weary of having a rommate who wasn’t contributing financially. And in addition to that…well…it was time to take the final step in the ending of a relationship towards complete separation.
Initially - I wanted to let myself sit and wonder in regret about the last 12 years of my life. No let me take that back. Because it wasn’t always the way it ended up. Times were better. But I wanted to let myself regret not having seen what was happening or going on under my own nose for so long. Regret being so naive and continuosly allow myself to be lied to, decieved and taken advantage of…and let it be called “love”. To regret letting my own desire for wanting things to work and to keep a family together allow me to ignore it…or at least tolerate it. It’s like - I knew I was through long ago. But in my efforts to be sure my daughter would grow up without her daddy in the house and to hang on to something that was burning my fingers… I sacrificed my own happininess. I’ve decided I deserve true happiness. And now…I’m being made out to be the bad guy for taking the final step in saying “I don’t” (anymore). Or at least someone is trying to make me feel bad or guilty for wanting to move on and move forward. This has been done through little comments that they’ve not been given any reason to make. Not to mention making them to my daughter. But I know…I’m not wrong here for taking the final steps in making that transition. I am NOT the bad guy here for putting a final end to something that has been over for awhile and for WANTING to move on and move forward. I’ve got to close the door to open another one. I would be the bad guy if I let it continue the way it has been. It’s not been healthy for ANY of us involved.
One of my favorite scriptures comes to mind when I try to find rhyme or reason for the way things turned out. You know - there’s always that “God…why did you let me fall into this” part of your mind. Why did you let it hurt???? But God of course…has rhyme and reason for everything. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5.
So I’ve adopted the idea that God intended for me to endure what in the end made me less than happy…so that when he decided to show me the flip side I can truly appreciate it. Don’t be mistaken. Good things and happy times DID come out of this relationship. And everytime I look at the little girl who’s staring me in the face because she’s excited about the Jonas Brother’s concert’s tonight…I can reflect on some of those. I won’t dwell on the downside. God doesn’t want that.Now I know that God has poured his love into my heart over this past year for a reason and I need to be filled with the hope that was born from a little suffering or at least from a little less than I deserved in the relationship department. Maybe I just outgrew the situation.
I will hold on to that hope that there is someone out there He truly created just for me. The one who is meant to show me the true side of love. The love that He defined in 1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I’m not going to look for it though …because I think it will be best to let it find me on God’s terms. In the meantime I’m going to focus on God, my serving, my daughter and finding my self worth.
‘The Brave Little Soul’
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God paused for a moment and replied, ‘Little Soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts…’ The little soul was confused. ‘What do you mean,’ he asked. ‘God replied, ‘Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer… All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone…’
The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, ‘The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed… I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone… They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt… But a suffering soul unlocks that love… I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity…’
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself… With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, ‘I am brave; let me go!! I would love to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!!’
God smiled and said, ‘You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request… But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone… I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey… Those souls will help create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering… Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others… They have already chosen a name for you…’
God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, ‘Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always… Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength… And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed…’
Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts… For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love… Priorities became properly aligned… People gave from their hearts… Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys - some regained lost faith - many came back to God… Parents hugged their children tighter… Friends and family grew closer… Old friends got together and new friendships were made… Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together… People checked a website and sent notes of encouragement… People made and brought meals to the family of the suffering… Everyone prayed… Peace and love reigned… Lives changed forever. It was good… The world was a better place… The miracle had happened…
God was pleased ……
(By John Alessi)
Reflecting in the Flames
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We had Jam & Java last Wednesday in Spiked Ministries. The focus was on prayer. We had an awesome turn-out of kids…it was a good night.
The problem for me was - Wednesday was “a bad day” in my world. Did anything happen to make it a bad day? No - not any particular incident or thing, ill said word or negative communication. Not from the outside world. It was a bad “inner” day for me. This scripture kind of sums that up (Luke 21:34) Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap. Yup - that was me! (Minus the drunkenness).
I tell you the truth (I love it when Jesus said that, maybe because you can’t really trust anybody else that precedes anything with a claim of truth) - by the time we got to some down and dirty prayer time Wednesday night I was a mess. Have you ever had so much going on internally that you just cannot pray? That you just break down and you need to pray, but you just can’t pray? It’s like - there’s so much going on within you or around you (i.e. the needs of others) that you don’t know where to start, what to lift, how to lift it and you know you want to…you just can’t? (maybe that’s Satan figuring if he can make you feel like you can’t pray he can pry you from your faith). There was a point where Adam said something about needing to lift up things to God and that was a bit overwhelming at the moment because I was having an issue with that. You are supposed to cry out to Jesus…but instead all you can do is just cry…period. Then again I think that (crying) just may be necessary every now and again if you have held onto things and not dealt with the emotions spawned by events past and present and “stuffed” them. When they decide to come out…well open the floodgates. I think that truthfully…you HAVE to release it before you can truly do business with the big man! I haven’t cried like that in quite a long time. I’ll call it the “full body” cry.
Anyway when all was said and done I took a hiatus Thursday - not only from the blog, but from some outside communication. I found out long ago that the best way to do that is to make sure everyone knows so they don’t take it personal if you don’t call, accept or return calls. (Some people are sensitive about that). Hey if your friends can’t accept that you need some me time…well they need to look within themselve a bit more. Sometimes…you just have to shut out the outside world for a bit and do business with yourself and …GOD.
James 4:7-1- says Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Romans 12:12 says:
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. So yeah - after the “big release” it’s easier to start putting that prayer thing in perspective. So Thursday evening when I got home - Taira and I lit up the fire. It was still daylight. I’ve been collecting junk mail in bags and boxes for a couple of months now so I’d have some good firestarting material and avoid identity theft all at the same time (ha ha). So we lit it up. If you don’t know me - - - well I love a fire. So Taira and I just hung out burning junk mail and all the wood we could find. Old pallets, posts, wood that’s been sitting by the fire pit for awhile. I did have a phone conversation with a friend from way back who I don’t see and hang out with much (she lives not too far…so that’s kind of sad). But we discoverred we’d been reflecting a lot on the same thing in our own levels. And decided we’d get together and hang out on Saturday evening. But it was nice to get something out I haven’t really had someone to relate to to talk about.Back to the fire…at some point Taira fell asleep so I made her get up and go in the house. And then I stayed out by that fire until after 1:00AM all by myself.
Here’s the deal - you ever watched a fire burn? I mean just sat and watched the flames flicker and jump and dance? Watched the embers at the hottest point of the fire glow in shades of red and orange? Maybe there’s only a special kind of people who can truly appreciate all that occurs within a good burning fire. But you can really do some business with yourself when watching a fire and keeping it going. And all hail the Holy Spirit in my fire time Thursday night/morning.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. Romans 8:26-28
God was patient and the Holy Spirit helped out while I was figuring out how to sort all this jumbled crap out and pray for it. So… I reflected on a lot of things while lost in the flames of the fire. When all was said and done I did some business with God. Was able to let go of that prayer claw and start talkin’. Now when you watch a fire…you can reflect for a bit while you’re lost in the glow and dance of the fire….then pray. It was on ongoing process of reflection and prayer. Reflect - pray - reflect - pray. It’s a lot easier that way when you are trying to sort out all of the things that overwhelmed you to the point you got “Prayer’s block”. That’s how I ended up out there and before I knew it was 1:00AM.But in that time I was able to pray for faith, for healing, for patience,for confidence,, for guidance, for peace from grief and bitterness, for understanding, for support. I prayed for friends, family, people I don’t know, our church and ministry leaders and volunteers (big things poppin!). And well…now I turn it over to knowing He’ll take care of it all in one way or the other. Sometimes it will be obvious - sometimes it won’t. But he WILL take care of it. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. (1 John 5:14-17
)I finally went in and hit the hay and when I woke up in the morning it was still smoldering.
When I got home from work Friday the embers were still smoldering so we just threw some more wood on it and POOF - fire all over again on Friday night. (Some of you were fortunate enough to get a picture of it…and if you didn’t ask me to see it next time you are with me because the video is now my phone wallpaper).
So I spent a little more time on Friday night. At some point my roommate to be came through so she hung out a bit by the fire, too. We figured there would probably be lots of fire nights at the house! LOL!
Saturday…the fire was still smoldering in the morning….
Blog Hiatus
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Car troubles and crap
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Of course with a paid off older car comes…wear and tear repairs. Just had the radiator replaced last month. Thanks to Taira’s daddy I didn’t have to buy new tires because he had brand new tires on the van he junked that just so happened to fit the Honda.
Well now…the check engine light is on. Who knows WHAT that’s going to be about. But I know whatever it is …it won’t be free to find out or fix. But that’s not even the worst of it. I started hearing squealing at sharp turns to the right AND left and some noises in the front. Blessed to have the spouse to be of a friend of mine who was willing to take it in at no cost to tell me what the problem is. In his words “the noise is coming from the drive shaft. It’s coming apart…it can’t be fixed. It has to be replaced” Sigh. It’s still driveable for a bit…but still….
Yeah - so guess how much a USED drive shaft is going to cost…go ahead guess! So far the lowest one we can find is $425.00. That does not include the labor it will cost to replace it the old with the…used one. That’s JUST for the part.
Pile on top of the financial needs…the dually needs a tire (those aren’t cheap!) The horse trailer needs bearings re-packed soon and some horses need trimmed (hooves) and one needs shod (shoes) and I’m probaby going to have to start paying someone for that after all.
So much for getting ahead with the implementation of a bill-splitting roommate. Won’t see the benefits of that for at least a few months at this rate. I’ve got my County longevity check kicking in in August - but need to use that to pay off a loan (which I know-is a good thing to payoff a debt…attack the debt). So I’m really nearly back to square one! Won’t be moving ahead as quickly as I hoped. In the meantime I’m going to take up a collection. After you guys tithe…donate 1% of what’s left to me! HA HA! Waiting on the blessing of the 90 day tithe challenge to kick in. Right when it seemed it wasn’t going to be as hard to get in with both feet the water got ice cold. But then….Phillipians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Well forgive me for finding some sarcasm here. Help a sista out!
Not to mention that I’m really a little frustrated with some things in an area that I’m pretty passionate about. Starting to feel…well like I may need some re-direction. I’m going to wait that one out and let God guide me on it since it’s really His call. He could just be testing me on this one. But I really am waiting for Him to give me some clear guidance on a few decisions I need to make on the path. It’s that “where is my true purpose” thing kicking in again. I know where it is (at least I think I do)…just not exactly sure WHAT it is if that makes a lick of sense.
Maybe it’s that unhealed part of me letting me be overly sensitive today. Or maybe it’s just Satan dabbling in the doings again. I decided last week I really didn’t need healing and things weren’t as important for me to deal with as they seemed and people have far more serious crap than I do that they need help with. I know someone out there is saying “everyone’s crap is important, no matter how big or small the pile”….but sometimes you look around and think like Carrie says “I need to put my big girl panties on and deal!” It’s just not worth the effort…and well some of it just hurts. There’s a lot of crap going on within me and around me that I really just need to get gone and move on with already. I’m not in control of a lot of it(and I hate not being in control) so I guess I just have to roll with it and figure out how to deal with it on my own personal level.
I was reminded recently that I tend to bear other people’s burdens and I need to stop doing that. The result is that I leave mine to fend for itself. I started pulling them out (or God did) to deal with, but I guess I’m kind of like a turtle who decided to come out and cross the road when it felt okay to come out of my shell. It’s like someone or something bumped into me and I sucked back in again. I was crossing the road all fine and now I’m stuck in the middle of it with complete chaos coming in both directions and now I can’t move. I’m going to be smashed when someone crosses the yellow line at any moment. It’s like in Monopoly….Do not pass go…do not collect $200.00.
Okay…I don’t whine or complain much…but just needed to do that real quick. There’s far more I could and probably should lay out…but don’t take it personal that I’m not doing it here. I don’t know all of you on that level (and some of you not at all…which should make me feel prett good that there are strangers who care enough to read what’s going on in my world) and heck - I barely trust my close circle of people with my crap. I’m still havin’ a time trusting GOD with it. J&J ought to prove interesting for me at this rate. Hopefully my mood will change by then. I’m on my way out of work early to head that way.
But, on with the show…Praise Him in the Storm….lift it up to God cuz He already knows and He can handle it…etc. etc. etc. I know…but it’s just some of those things….well ya know. I’m sure I’ll shake it soon ’til it jumps back on again.
SPIKED Jam & Java TONIGHT 7:00PM
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The mocha-choca-latte-ccinos will be on tap…the candles will be lit…the Holy Spirit will be all up in the hizz-ouse (as always) so come get hyped up on some Java and Prayed up on some Jesus! We might even get a soul or two saved tonight. HOLLA~
3 -1 -6
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John 3:16. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Last night at group this scripture was laid out: Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Both of these scriptures are pretty powerful. John reminds us of God’s great sacrifice so that we could be saved….Deuteronomy reminds us that God will never leave of forsake us.
What a neat little package tying them together don’t you think?
Okay - so how about this…one evening Carrie noticed that the last four digits of both of our license plates are exactly the same. 4880. We’re tryin’ to figure out some connection in that. Any ideas?
Weekend in Review
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Up and at ‘em early Saturday to head to NHC for clean-up day.
Some major clean-up efforts were made so kudos to all who served by lending a few hours to some major housecleaning. Back stage was cleaned up in a MAJOR way - things were crashing down, people were heaving and ho’ing, men (namely Adam) were falling through shelves - - - but when all was said nobody was hurt and it was nice and tidy backstage and there was a lot of room made!
We also did some cleaning upstairs in the youth room and it’s looked better than it has in awhile. The carpets got cleaned earlier in the week and all those stains in the carpet from spilled drinks and the messes Adam made in his message demos were miraculously - gone! We cleaned out a storage closet and all the video game stations got tidies up, too. The room was ready for Sunday havoc! HA HA!
Saturday afternoon I made a trip to the dump. Making room for a roommate is also helping get some things gone that need to be gone. I’ve got a whole nutha load in the back of the dually! Taira helped get the lawn mowed (I know that won’t last forever, but it’s nice having the help) and my roomie helped disassemble an old futon/bunk bed that’s seen better days. She went home and Taira and I hung out a bit and then my future roomie and another friend came over and we had some pasta with spaghetti sauce made with Bison! It was tasty. Top it off with a few refreshing beverages, some hanging out on the front porch chilaxin’ and life was great.
Once they headed home I stayed outside chit chatting into the wee hours with a friend and got to bed later than I should have. This resulted in getting UP later than I should have and by the time I fed horses and set off for church I knew we were going to be late.
We got there just in time to catch one worship song, but catch the whole message, too. We’re talkin’ about money - and if you missed it you MUST see this video!
Club 56 was awesome! Even talked to the youngsters about the Dolla Dolla Billz! Then - Carrie invited us and a few youth to IHOP for lunch! THANKS CARRIE! Leftovers for breakfast! Yumm! Then it was back to NHC to rehearse and get ready for Spiked! While rehearsing with the ever-so-awesome youth worship team we were blessed with a visit from Senior Pastor Dave Bowman who came to check out what was going on. (Probably because we were making so much noise! HA HA!)
Our Spiked program was AWESOME last night. There was an extreme abundance of God energy in our ministry last night! We rocked out our own version of P.Diddy’s All About the Benjamins to go with our Thin Green Line Money seriws. I thought it was extremely energized. We were even throwing out REAL Dolla Billz to the kids ….seriously…and they got to keep them. There are perks to being in the front rows!
Mike and Leah Rade’s son came and deliverred a money message. Michael is attending Wheaton College and Kudos to him for layin’ the message down! Mike and Leah came up to check him out and they were beaming proud parents! :) He’ll be back again next week to deliver another mesasge continuing with our money series.
We had lots of new faces join the Spiked gang last night. I got a text today from one of the new attenders inquiring about this Wednesday’s Jam and Java. When I responded I got a text back that said “I will deff (definitely) be there and maybe a friend and last nigte was asesome i luved it!” So SPIKED team ….we’re moving forward in our mission to bring more kids to Christ! Let’s roll with it.
Now…it’s Monday. Oh happy day! Bring on Wednesday!!!
Rapping for Jesus
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I’ve since been blessed to be able to “rap for Jesus” to our youth in Spiked Student Ministries. It gives me a chance to share Jesus on a music level that our youth can relate to. I take songs they hear or listen to in their IPods and radio and rewrite the lyrics so that they can be related to from a christian stand-point. (If you listen to the original version of a couple of the songs…you’ll see why that’s a pretty big deal and a more positive side to what they are used to hearing!)
I am blessed to serve along side an extremely talented group of adults and youth (Jon, James, Kristy, Ian, Skidz, Chase, Spencer the Animal) who serve Jesus at NHC by sharing their musical talents in youth music worship. They absolutely amaze me with how quickly they can learn and play the songs we do these to. If you ever want to come check them out live - let me know and I’ll keep you posted when we are going to lay the rap down for Jesus at Spiked. You are welcome to come hang out at Spiked Student Ministries anytime! God is truly moving through our ministry and “we’re about to blow up!” Be forwarned…I will attempt to recruit any visitor to serve in the youth ministry somehow! Ha ha!
In the meantime feel free to check out a few of my Raps for Jesus.
